It has been more than a year since Mom passed away, but holidays always bring up reminders. Fond memories of life at home as a child growing up. Marge was mom and what counted is that mom was always there.
Roles reverse when you become an adult, especially when dementia accelerates to the end. Helping your mother with basic hygiene and repeating answers to the same questions over and over again is very uncomfortable. But mom was always there for me, doing her best to deal with me as an infant and toddler without any support network, husband, or family support. Yet I never saw any flaws, weaknesses or omissions. And I appear to have developed into a "normal" adult.
When mom is gone and Christmas comes around my mind digs up old memories of Christmas. We may not have had much but I had a home and I was loved. It's easy to see those important values when looking back. Unfortunately it's too easy to dwell on the superficial in the here and now. I can't remember the gifts I got as a kid at Christmas time, but I remember feelings of security - life was good, Santa came, we had our apartment and food to eat. Mom made all that possible. How can I ever pay that back as she slipped into dementia in her final years while I am in perfect health?
Life is definitely a cycle from total dependence to independence to total dependence in hospice in the final days. Merry Christmas.
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