May she rest in peace

My mother's battle with dementia ended early this morning at 1:45 in the bed she had not left during the week she was in hospice. Fortunately I was there, fitfully trying to sleep in a recliner next to her bed. Her days in hospice were not easy for her.

The goal of hospice is to alleviate pain while the patient succumbs to her disease. They did that well, resorting to morphine injections every 3 hours the last day. Despite the pain relief, and probably due to the dementia, she moaned at each exhalation. In fact, it was the break in that rhythmic pattern of moaning that awoke me.

I listened for a few seconds because there had been short periods of apnea in the past, but this time breathing wasn't restarting. I reached over to touch her face and it was cool. I pushed the call button and a nurse arrived within 15 seconds with stethoscope in hand. She heard a faint heartbeat.

I stroked Mom's hair as we both looked at her and at the next check, the heartbeat had stopped. The nurse closed Mom's eyes and that was that.

I'll write more in coming days about the whole dementia experience. It helps me, and hopefully it will help others going through a similar process. One thing I can say for sure - no matter how much you prepare, actually going through it is not easy.

At least now she no longer has any pain or confusion...

Hospice and Dementia - Heading to the Exit

I write this in hospice with my mother who has hours to live. Her dementia has gotten to the point that all things are winding down and the end is in sight. It has not been a pleasant process. My fiercely independent mother is now incontinent and totally dependent on others simply to change position in bed. There is no interest in eating, that started quite a while ago. She can no longer speak.

I studied what I could about dementia so I knew what was coming. But when it's your mother lying there gasping and quivering, it is almost painful to watch. Her hands are warm even though they are bonier than they were before when they were always ice cold. We can tell she knows we are here.

My mother spent most her life without any prescription drugs. At 80 she had no prescriptions. Now, in the past several months she is on so many things that I can't keep track. Thank God for Medicaid.

In the coming weeks once this ordeal is over I will go back and write more about the experience.

May she rest in peace -- soon.