It has been more than a year since Mom passed away, but holidays always bring up reminders. Fond memories of life at home as a child growing up. Marge was mom and what counted is that mom was always there.
Roles reverse when you become an adult, especially when dementia accelerates to the end. Helping your mother with basic hygiene and repeating answers to the same questions over and over again is very uncomfortable. But mom was always there for me, doing her best to deal with me as an infant and toddler without any support network, husband, or family support. Yet I never saw any flaws, weaknesses or omissions. And I appear to have developed into a "normal" adult.
When mom is gone and Christmas comes around my mind digs up old memories of Christmas. We may not have had much but I had a home and I was loved. It's easy to see those important values when looking back. Unfortunately it's too easy to dwell on the superficial in the here and now. I can't remember the gifts I got as a kid at Christmas time, but I remember feelings of security - life was good, Santa came, we had our apartment and food to eat. Mom made all that possible. How can I ever pay that back as she slipped into dementia in her final years while I am in perfect health?
Life is definitely a cycle from total dependence to independence to total dependence in hospice in the final days. Merry Christmas.
Showing posts with label Alzheimers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Alzheimers. Show all posts
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The Slow Decline of Dementia
Mom's ordeal with dementia ended more than a month ago. As I review events in our lives, I come across more early indicators of dementia. Of course, it starts with what seems to be routine forgetfulness - "why did I come in here?"
But there are also changes in personality that are cues that are visible in hindsight. Mom became more emotional about 2-3 years ago. She started hugging and saying "I love you," which she had never done in the previous 80 years. It was nice to think that she was finally becoming more attached to people, but it's also possible that behavior was just part of the rewiring of her brain that was going on. It's more comforting to believe it was the former and not the latter.
After the "why did I come in here" there were incidents with tea kettles boiling dry, forgetting how to operate the microwave, and changes in diet.
Mom was always thin, but as dementia progressed, she stopped eating as much of the few things that she always liked. She started that decline by simply eating less. Over time it got to not eating it at all. In fact, she started exhibiting anorexic behavior, getting down to ~80 lbs (5' 4"). This led her doctors to prescribing drugs simply because their side effects were increased appetite. Within the last 3 months of her life, even those efforts didn't work and she survived on several bottles of Ensure each day. At least she liked those and didn't protest when they were brought to her.
I'll write more about the food issues in future posts.
But there are also changes in personality that are cues that are visible in hindsight. Mom became more emotional about 2-3 years ago. She started hugging and saying "I love you," which she had never done in the previous 80 years. It was nice to think that she was finally becoming more attached to people, but it's also possible that behavior was just part of the rewiring of her brain that was going on. It's more comforting to believe it was the former and not the latter.
After the "why did I come in here" there were incidents with tea kettles boiling dry, forgetting how to operate the microwave, and changes in diet.
Mom was always thin, but as dementia progressed, she stopped eating as much of the few things that she always liked. She started that decline by simply eating less. Over time it got to not eating it at all. In fact, she started exhibiting anorexic behavior, getting down to ~80 lbs (5' 4"). This led her doctors to prescribing drugs simply because their side effects were increased appetite. Within the last 3 months of her life, even those efforts didn't work and she survived on several bottles of Ensure each day. At least she liked those and didn't protest when they were brought to her.
I'll write more about the food issues in future posts.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Dementia isn't Alzheimers
It's a good thing that so much is being written and discussed about Alzheimers disease. My mother didn't have Alzheimers. She had vascular dementia. Apparently it is possible for a skilled geriatrician to determine one from the other through testing like those in the Merck manual linked from my first blog post on the subject.
Vascular dementia is caused by mini-strokes. Apparently these are imperceptible. My mother suffered from vertigo and would sometimes get dizzy and pass out, hitting her head on the ground, or worse. When I was a kid I vividly remember her falling in the kitchen and hitting her head on the handle to the bottom drawer of the stove. It broke and she was lying in a pool of blood. This was before 911 so I ran for a neighbor. I can't remember what happened from that point, but I can still see my mother passed out on the kitchen floor in a pool of blood.
There were other dizzy incidents over the years, and I suspect they all contributed in some way to her vascular dementia. In any case, the outcome from Alzheimers or dementia is the same -- your brain forgets how to keep your systems running and lets them shut down. How long that process takes is what makes each situation different, and all of them difficult for caregivers and family.
Vascular dementia is caused by mini-strokes. Apparently these are imperceptible. My mother suffered from vertigo and would sometimes get dizzy and pass out, hitting her head on the ground, or worse. When I was a kid I vividly remember her falling in the kitchen and hitting her head on the handle to the bottom drawer of the stove. It broke and she was lying in a pool of blood. This was before 911 so I ran for a neighbor. I can't remember what happened from that point, but I can still see my mother passed out on the kitchen floor in a pool of blood.
There were other dizzy incidents over the years, and I suspect they all contributed in some way to her vascular dementia. In any case, the outcome from Alzheimers or dementia is the same -- your brain forgets how to keep your systems running and lets them shut down. How long that process takes is what makes each situation different, and all of them difficult for caregivers and family.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Caregiver for mother with dementia
If you ever have to deal with a parent with dementia, be prepared to be inundated with information. The first thing that always comes to mind is Alzheimers, but not all dementia is Alzheimers. My mother has vascular dementia. It is caused by mini-strokes in the brain.
In any dementia, short term memory goes first. There are basic tests they give which can help diagnose dementia. The Merck manual shows the test used for my mother at this link.
What's amazing about dementia is that the person may forget what you told them 5 minutes ago, but then be able to share explicit, detailed recollections of their childhood and early adulthood. I'm learning more about my mother's life than I ever knew before.
My mother is 82 and the symptoms started showing up about 2-1/2 years ago. When it got severe they prescribed Aricept, which is supposed to slow the decline of memory loss. Unfortunately, when living alone, a person with short term memory loss can forget how many pills to take so we ended up in the emergency room from a possible overdose. She was released 2 days later into our care (which she hates).
I will add to this blog with things that come up during our journey through this caregiving exercise. One thing we have learned from lectures, web materials, and more is that in many cases, the caregiver dies before the care receiver does. It can be that stressful.
It's true what they say about your parents raising you as a child and then you taking care of them as they decline into a childlike state. But she's my mother!
In any dementia, short term memory goes first. There are basic tests they give which can help diagnose dementia. The Merck manual shows the test used for my mother at this link.
What's amazing about dementia is that the person may forget what you told them 5 minutes ago, but then be able to share explicit, detailed recollections of their childhood and early adulthood. I'm learning more about my mother's life than I ever knew before.
My mother is 82 and the symptoms started showing up about 2-1/2 years ago. When it got severe they prescribed Aricept, which is supposed to slow the decline of memory loss. Unfortunately, when living alone, a person with short term memory loss can forget how many pills to take so we ended up in the emergency room from a possible overdose. She was released 2 days later into our care (which she hates).
I will add to this blog with things that come up during our journey through this caregiving exercise. One thing we have learned from lectures, web materials, and more is that in many cases, the caregiver dies before the care receiver does. It can be that stressful.
It's true what they say about your parents raising you as a child and then you taking care of them as they decline into a childlike state. But she's my mother!
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